💥 Rexar vs. Vaelyn: Who Would Win in a Fight (Or at Mario Kart)?

It started with a broken controller and ended with glitter in someone’s eyebrows.
We asked the question no one needed answered—but we’re answering it anyway:
If Rexar and Vaelyn ever threw down, who would come out on top… in a brawl? In Mario Kart? In emotional damage resilience??

Let’s break it down.

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🐯 Round 1: Physical Fight (With Powers Engaged)

Vaelyn:

“I could end this fight with a look. Literally. Ever seen someone punch their own shadow?”

Rexar:

“Yeah? Ever tried throwing hands with a nightmare dog set on fire?”

Vaelyn may have illusion magik and the kind of smug calm that makes TSA agents nervous, but Rexar is a Pesanta—a fire-wielding beast that feeds on nightmares and rage. He’s basically a human flamethrower with an espresso addiction. The moment Vaelyn tries to vanish into smoke and mirrors, Rexar’s lighting up the stage—and the furniture—with zero chill.

Winner: Too close to call. Depends if Vaelyn feels like being seen that day.

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🏎 Round 2: Mario Kart Mayhem

Rexar:

“I don’t need banana peels. I am the chaos.”

Vaelyn:

“You play Toad and drive like it’s a performance art piece.”

Vaelyn looks like the calmest Mario Kart player alive—until he drops a blue shell on you right before the finish line and smirks like it’s foreplay. Meanwhile, Rexar is shouting at the TV, throwing snacks, and somehow keeps falling off Rainbow Road on purpose.

Winner: Vaelyn. He’s not trying to win. He’s trying to ruin you emotionally. 

🧠 Round 3: Best at Arguing with TSA

Vaelyn:

“I once got a fog machine through security because I claimed it was ‘part of the vibe.’”

Rexar:

“They let him. I got pulled for carrying too much emotional baggage.”

Winner: Vaelyn. No contest. The man can lie with elegance.

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🎤 Bonus Round: Screaming on Stage vs. Crying in the Van

Rexar:

“Both. At once. That’s the show.”

Vaelyn:

[quietly lights incense and disappears through the emergency exit]

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Final Score:

Rexar wins: 1.5
Vaelyn wins: 2.5
But honestly, we all win when they’re both a disaster.

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💥 Want More Unhinged Band Lore?

We made a full official (probably illegal) Toad Biscuit Zine, and it’s free to download.

🔐 Inside you’ll find:

• A letter we definitely weren’t supposed to post

• An exclusive unreleased track from the band

• Lyric breakdowns and mental health trackers (very serious)

• Rejected song titles, Q&A chaos, and more ✨

🎁 Click here to download the zine

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Tag your chaos buddy and settle the debate—who’s your fighter: Rexar or Vaelyn?
And if you read this and picked “neither, just kiss already,” you're not alone.